Manic Me

3 important things happened today.

1.Bikram yelled at me during evening class, I was Ms. Black and White.

2.I held full expression of Standing Leg Head to knee for two seconds (Dandayamana-Janushirasana)- forehead to knee.

3. My elbows touched the floor in final Stretching Pose (Paschimotthanasana) for a couple of seconds.

Part 1: Standing Series: After 1 year and a 30 day challenge this is where I'm at.

Standing Deep Breathing -Pranayama - In this posture, my back and shoulders resist my first attempts at movement. When breathing out my elbows struggle against lifting toward the ceiling while keeping my chest lifted. Breathing in, I enjoy the way my stomach and chest stretch both in the mirror and within. I either find myself smiling by the end of it, or I breeze through the the posture. Some days my legs feel strong and capable like a centaur, but when I look in the mirror they don't match the feeling. There is no in between for me with this one. I either enjoy it or don't, it was never just ok.

Half Moon Pose- Ardha-Chandrasana with Pada- Hasthasana- My expression of this posture (side to side) is powerful and strong. I am a flower petal blooming and I ground the posture from me feet to my fingertips. My eyes follow the curve of my body in the mirror as I visualize a crescent moon. My right side is stronger and more flexible than my left. I often feel a pinching in the left side of my back in this posture. This is not the same type of pinch that happens when I don't lift up through the chest. The pinch is in the same place I carry my stress, the same place I pull my muscles repeatedly. This posture does give me energy for the rest of class and I am constantly reminding myself that pushing in this posture will not wear me out, but will pump me up. When I bend over to grab my feet, on flexible days, I can straighten my legs and I more often than not enjoy the posture. After first set, no matter how hard I try in the posture, coming up in the finale is like a breath of fresh mountain air.


Awkward Pose- Utkatasana This posture is rarely hard for me to hold. The first part, I sometimes don't really get. i do it, and open my chest but don't really see the point of the posture... what I am saying is that I don't really see the yoga in it. This second part of the posture on the tippie toes, I do get but my body doesn't. It is always a struggle for me to bring my hips forward and my upper body back. I see this as more of a 'structural' problem that is slowly correcting itself over time with a little push from me. Always trying always improving. Instructors often tell me to lean back.. I KNOW I am not leaning back in perfect alignment and it is because my body is not ready. At least this is how I see it. The third part of the posture, I enjoy visualizing 3x 90degree angles and pretend that I am the box. I don't bounce because my knees suck. This posture is supposed to be good for cold feet. I have yet to see the benefits of that because my feet are always cold.

Eagle Pose- Garurasana I love this posture. Connecting with my breath, inhales and exhales iare so beautifully self explanatory in this posture. I carry all of my happiness, sadness, stress, life in my upper back muscles and I relish the moment I swing my arms one under the other, then pull down to connect with those muscles. Sometimes when I am really hot and class seems to be an enormous effort, I just stay in that first part and feel my shoulder muscles stretch. In Bikram's book he says that you should press wherever you feel pressure in this posture and I remind myself of this while I am in it. This posture is so dynamic with so many places to focus on.

Standing Head to Knee- Dandayamana-Janushirasana My standing leg burns and my lower back is always sore after this one. 1 year and a 30 day challenge later and I still kick out only occasionally. As long as that standing leg is strait, you get the benefit so what is the rush right? I am plenty challenged holding the posture and not falling out- while not kicking. Sometimes I am able to kick out, the left leg kicks out easier than the right one and in this posture I am painfully aware of how my legs and hips were put together funny. I am constantly working on this one, I am only now finding peace in it.

Standing Bow Pose Dandayamana-Dhanurasana Strength, focus, laughter. I refuse do get frustrated when I fall out of this one, it is a decision that I made from the beginning and one that I plan to stick to. Lately this posture has been very solid. My left side is not as flexible but seems to have better alignment. My right side is more flexible and I enjoy going to my edge. Not much else in that hot room is as gratifying as holding this posture for the full 60 seconds. When teachers stand in the front row, I gape at how beautiful this posture is. This is the posture that first helped me to understand what an 'asana' was. This stillness I find in this posture transcends my ego and holds my Self.

Balancing Stick- TuladandasanaI am strong and capable in this posture. Aware of my body, balance, and alignment, I work on tightening. This is the most fun posture for me to watch when I sit out. All the bodies! Everyones uniqueness comes through, tall, small, apples, oranges, broken umbrellas are funny.

Don't leave your snot rags in the yoga room.

Well I am back on track. Still not where I was, but yesterdays class was exponentially better. In addition, I felt so calm and languid afterwards. Boy have I missed that feeling. All during class, I was really feelin' the energy in the back of the room. I was impressed with the magnificant expression of postures around me. It turns out that there were a bunch of visiting teachers in the back. Bingo. The Western Canada Hatha Yoga Championship is coming up. I am excited to go. I hope they let us take tons of pictures because I will be all up on that. Progress Report: Again I held Dandayamana Janushirasana for the full time, both sets. I looked at myself in the mirror during the second set instead of grimacing at the ground and pulling my energy inward to my core as not to scream. But I did hold it. Progress comes slow in this one. The reason that I have chosen it to excel on, is because I know I can. I have on occasion reached full expression in the past, so why shouldn't I attempt to do so more consistently. I am enjoying this dedication and process.

Torture is okay but only without grimace

Confession. I have not been to yoga since December 28. That is exactly two weeks and two days ago.
I went today. In the words of Rachel Zoe, "I died." I stood in the back and did my own thing. I am pretty positive the expression on my face was fair warning to my instructor to leave me alone. Her inspiring words told me that Yoga is not a competition, you work with where you are at. Progress comes naturally and you shouldn't push it. Well.. I hadn't been in two weeks and I could barely even put my hands behind my heels in pada-hastasana. Ouf. So what if I like to complain today, I went to yoga:)

I have:
☮Whiplash
☮A bruised tailbone
☮A small fracture somewhere on one of my left toes.

In class I felt:
♥Like a tub of lard
♥Stiff like a board
♥Large and not in charge
♥without power or motivation
♥Grey

Progress Report: Today I held both sides for the full length of time first and second set. My leg was on fire, really. In flames. It was my first day back in a while so I am happy with that. My goal is to comfortably extend legs on both sides for 'L like Linda' over the next few months. By the end of the year I want to be able to hold the posture in full expression for the second set.
**I cannot find the site to credit for this photo.

The dog days are over

I didn't wear contacts or glasses in class this morning, AND I stood in the back.

I thought it would be a good opportunity to focus more on how my body feels in each asana and less on what I project in the mirror. My form is pretty solid so I figured that I could forgo sight today. Wrong. I kept loosing my balance and was totally unsure of when the instructor was correcting me because I couldn't see her eyes and she didn't know my name.

Instructor this morning has not always been my favorite, I never felt like she pushed hard enough but this morning I really enjoyed her class. Her positivity was refreshing and I sure needed that because I was blind. Ha! She guided me through Standing Head to Knee pose and I was actually able to touch my forehead to knee on my left leg for like a second. Progress!

With that asana progress seems to come for me all at once only to fly away the next time I practice. Is it my mind that is holding me back or is it my body? I believe it is my mind because my body is capable.

Photo from Menno Indian's photostream on Flickr.

A dance partner

The room was packed. I was ONE foot from my neighbor... and I loved it. I don't know if the feeling was mutual but I really fed off her energy and had an amazing class. I hope she got something from me too.

With the seasonal temperature changing outside, the heat and humidity in the room is off. So it was a little cool in there today.

Good Class. My Janushirasana with Paschimotthanasana ( Head to Knee pose) was strong. I was able to flex my heal off the ground on both sides, elbows bent, forehead to knee, throat choked. I tapped into the way my body worked against itself- for itself- to compress.

I started to bend my elbows on the second set and left side of Dandayamana Janushirasana (Standing Head to Knee). Progress is a long time coming in that one. I am not confident that I will be able to repeat this step forward again so I will be happy with today.

Beauty!

Back on the wagon

My last two classes are proof that I am back on the wagon. The Bikram wagon! With all other sports, even when I get tired of doing them... ie running I can still run as far as the day before even if my heart isn't in it. With Bikram yoga when, when one thing is off, my entire class can so easily go awry. Putting the past week in perspective- it doesn't seem like a big deal that I had a couple of off classes. So what if I lost my drive to go. But at that time, it felt like all hope was lost. I was off the wagon, never to recover. The end of the world.

Victoria taught my first class back in December. She also taught my class today. She went easy on us and let quite a bit of fresh air in. I was in the hot corner of the room so I didn't reap all the benefits of that cool rush. The first back bend of class during Ardha Chandrasana was magnificent! I definitely can't always go that far back.. especially in the morning. But today and last class too- both at 8PM, I could see my reflection in the glass window behind me. I feel my strong back opening up as how I used my arms to guide my body back and down. My arms are the compass in that asana. They are really driving me forward.. well back... but forward. I am more excited and less fearful.

My expression of Dandayamana-Janushirasana is still not that deep. My goal each time is to simply hold the asana with leg suspended but bent for the first 60 seconds. I try to kick at least 1X during the second set. Sure this is working for me, but I don't see much progress here.

I felt strong and confident during Trikonasana. With my strong class and extra fresh air I was really able to reach for the ceiling, open my chest, and push my hip down. I didn't cheat today!

I did not have that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach during Ustrasana. Instead I pushed my hips forward, made my chest big and proud like a lioness, and sang to the mountains! Well.. not really because it was still hot in there- don't get me wrong.


I have two concerns. Firstly, I am finding that my legs and harms go numb more easily while I am sleeping and while I am sitting at a desk. This is disconcerting and for some reason I link it to my yoga practice. Secondly- I repeatedly have to suppress the urge to pee during class. I make sure to go right before but for some reason the urge gets magnified. Maybe too much info.. maybe some has the same problems?

**The photograph is of me (left) and my friend Karolyn (right). She is the one who introduced my to Bikram Hatha Yoga.