Week 9

Week 9. I have been waiting to write this post because: I don't want it to be over, nothing I write seems authentic enough to capture the last week, and I am so nervous about teaching my first class that I am distracted.

The last week was extremely difficult because waking up and dragging my sore ass to yoga when I was so close to the end was brutal. The room was never hot enough to melt my sore joints and muscles. I saw the end coming and I wanted to rip that band-aid off! Pulling it off hair by hair and then reapplying it is not my style. The goodbyes to friends, the last classes, the looks of longing that we better make the most out of the time that we have- not for me. My friends in college had a name for me- Houdini. I disappear preferring to remember the times when time was not a constraint. In other words, I like to leave on my own terms.

Bikram's lectures during the last week were all-time amazing. I could not write fast enough even the common sense wisdom he spoke. It is good to be able to back up your claims about how this yoga heals. Boss's words the last week enable me to 'back that shit up'. The postures, oh the information and the encyclopedia of wisdom on the postures that is Bikram Choudhury- I was like a kid in a candy store. As people got up to ask questions, questions were either good or stupid- Bikram's words not mine.

I had been mulling over my question for a couple of days, debating on whether or not it would fit the bill. Luckily, someone else had the same idea and asked first. The question related to the importance of switching the grip during Pavanmuktasana. Bikram's answer was this, - Weird, weird question (stupid question), Do you know what I do when I am home? I get up on my bathroom counter and I get really close to the mirror with my black costume on (costume is Bikramspeak for your yoga shorts). I look in the mirror and I ask myself, "Am I weird?" and every time I get the same answer, the same answer is "Bikram you are the weirdest person I know."

So this is Bikram in a nutshell, it was an answer if you really think about it but don't think too hard. Stay out of your mind, it's a bad neighborhood.



Graduation and the final hurrah was amazing, but this is expected. My parents and my husband came to show support and I am so lucky to have them. My parents impression of Bikram was probably not ideal but hey, "Don't let anyone steal your peace" is what I remember. As I hear reports of first classes taught by my fellow trainees, I realize that when I give my mock class this Sunday I am not alone. I will see the faces of my group members with smiles in hopes that I am capable and it will go well.

My first class back home was not at my home studio. After flying in and a rough transition back to reality, I took a class in the city. I stood in the front and the teacher acknowledged my accomplishment. Class felt different, it was no longer just for me- I set an example and I could feel eyes on me. To that I say, yes I am capable of showing you how the posture is supposed to look and yes I have earned every inch of flexibility with sweat, tears, and a lot of muscle. No I am not bendy but yes I am precise. In the locker room after class, a woman came up to me and said she remembered me from when I was a regular. She said she had wanted to go to training but was worried about her age. At 52 she was preoccupied that it was too late or that she would stick out like a sore thumb. I realized that no one really talks about the demographic of teacher training. Ours was as follows based on my own observations and in no way is this official:

*About 1/4 men 3/4 women
*70% of women in 20s and 30s
*30% of women in 40s and 50s
*Most seasoned age 57 years old
*Youngest was below the age requirement
*Most lbs lost- 23lbs straight from the horses mouth
*Most lbs gaind- 23lbs straight from the horses mouth

I can tell you that never was my first though upon seeing a fellow trainee, He/She is old, he/she is too big, he/she shouldn't be here. NEVER- because it isn't about comparisons, it is about who you are. "Never to late, never too old, never to sick, to start from scratch and begin again."

Returning to my home studio is wonderful. Classes are almost more difficult than at teacher training. I have a few theories for this having to do with the amount of energy in the room, my nerves about teaching, and learning to deal with my new outlook on things. The mental aspect is after all the most beneficial part of the yoga to me. We have an amazing and close community and one of my fellow yogis told me that she completed a 30 day challenge in my absence. She said, that she didn't do it for herself she did it because she knew if I was doing two classes a day,then she could do one class per day. She was right and she did it! That simple event made all my training, sweat, and tears so much sweeter and all the more worth it.

I will teach a mock class on Sunday- so that is about a week after graduating. I will be on the schedule for next week to teach my first real class. I am beyond nervous, excited, and oh so ready.

Finally

Today my right hipped finally moved. Pavanamuktasana is hands down my favorite posture. My body responds to it every class in a different way. Each set, I dutifully use opposite arms. I feel my spine and hips open. I breath into the posture. I am patience made manifest in that asana because I knew today would come. It has. How will this affect my practice now? A fellow yogi encouraged me in this yoga saying, "Do it! It will change your life." I believe it and it already has in so many ways. I don't need to wait for a sudden pop or crack or breakthrough in a posture but it sure helps.

*The photo is inspired by the soles of some John Fluevog shoes.

Paradise Circus

Back on the bike and riding to yoga this morning for the 10AM class, excitement and curiosity filled my chest. Excitement for my first class in over a week and getting back on track. Curiosity at how my body would feel. Yoga makes it easy to be curious.

First pose, first day back, Pranayama - my elbows together in front of my chest, the deepest breath I have had in a while. My body willing and ready to practice- unadulterated joy filled me. There I said it 'undulterated joy'- I have always wanted to say it and mean it- no strings attached- joy and health filled me. I smiled all all the way through the first breathing series- probably looking a little cookey?

Joy and smiles- feeling my body and not just going through the motions. It wasn't long that this lasted. During Trikonasana (Triangle pose)that I was having trouble catching my breath. This pose is one of the heights of hard work in the Bikram series. You have built up to this pose only to realize you need to give more than you thought you had or were planning on. You use your muscles, lungs, chest, will power, balance, and determination to make it better each time. The more often I practice, the more my strength helps here- you do not have to be flexible to try this pose.

My heart in my chest beating so fast I could hear the thumps. I was scared. I continued onto Tuladandasana (Balancing Stick Pose) which really gets your cardiovascular system working in overdrive (don't forget to balance while your panting). Nauseous, sweating, dizzy. I made my self get up for tree, I needed the confidence this pose inspires. It helps me to bring my thoughts back to my own eyes. Pavanamuktasana (Wind Removing pose) and my hips joints were stiff and pinched in a way that reflected how I have been neglecting my body for the past couple of days. Abusing it and taking it for granted in so many ways. Killing brain cells and living to be less. Nauseous, someone left the room.

How could I leave the room- Roxy will yell at me.. What are you doing!? Sit back down! It's better if you stay. I got up and left. She let me. I sat out a couple minutes. Let the cold fresh water from my water bottle fill me. How was I going to go back into that room. What would she say? Perfect in my imperfection and perfect in my body perfectly where I am supposed to be. I finished class. It wasn't as hot when I went back in.

I assumed the relief that I would feel when I left the yoga room would be heavenly and all that is good- instead it was just air. Yes the cold water was needed but the air wasn't any better outside than it was inside. I finished my class. I still feel like a wet noodle a couple of hours later. I will go tomorrow. I will not have a beer tonight. I will sleep earlier tonight. I will have a healthy dinner. I will practice tomorrow.

I was talking to a guy today outside the yoga room- he was probably in his mid-late 60s. Just like my mom and dad. It is all about attitude. It is all about staying on top of your shit. It is not about getting old. It is about staying active and not having expectations.

I am happy to get back to going forward.

Spines strengthen in different ways

My back has been healing from two posts ago. I had some inhibitions that the strength and flexibility of my Ardha Chandrasana (half moon pose) might be injuring my back- maybe my form is incorrect? But today during Ustrasana (camel pose) I pushed my hips forward then arched my back and felt a pinch. At the same time I felt this pinching, I let up on the pose slightly. The pinch made my back feel like it needed to pop. As a result my maximum in this pose today was not very deep. I was proud that I was able to listen to my body that much more to stop it just before I re injured it.

I felt the same swelling of frustration in my heart center today during Ustrasana (camel pose). Lately I get so much out of this pose by merely by leaving my hands on my hips and not going to a full expression of the pose.

Pavanamuktasana (wind removing pose) is constantly a favorite for me. My body always responds immediately to this pose and I can easily adjust my form so that I feel that I am doing it the correct way. Today when I pulled both knees up, I went somewhere new with my spine. I am always so concerned with feeling the pinching in the hips, today my body (thanks in part to my proximity to the humidifier) let go and I was able to focus on really flattening out my spine. A sense of rightness and healing came to me.

My body is exhausted today. My spine is tired and so are my eyes.