Random Banter on Backbends and Hips

I have recommitted to my practice. I owe some of this newfound enthusiasm to a gigantic water-bottle that I picked up at 7eleven. I know you are supposed to use water as a tool and not as a crutch, but that crutch has totally helped me to recommit.

A couple notes.

Backbends.

Camel Pose- I am a sloucher. I let my shoulders slump forward for every occasion and Camel takes every single one of the muscles that bend forward when I slouch (which is all the time) and bends them the opposite way. In Ustrasana you are literally pushing your heart against your chest, and as I push forward with my ass squeezed tight like a coconut, I can do anything. It was not always this way. Ustrasana requires so much effort and positivity while I crawl to its setup on my hands and knees. Its rewards are glorious.

Half Moon Backbend- This posture still eludes me. If I go far back and look at the wall behind me, I hinge on the wrong joints so I supposed that I am not ready to go far back. I keep waiting, impatiently for a breakthrough but it never comes. I am so stiff there.. what gives? Oh, and get this, I can do a backbend (gymnastics style).

Hips.

I actually singled out my hips during Eagle Pose yesterday. Behold the mind-body connection. I was able to move into 'dem hips' and adjust them, soo cool (at least for a yoga dork).

Final Spinal- I feel my hips stretch here and it wasn't until over a year of consistant practice that this connection was formed. This is why you don't sit on your heal when you are setting up in that posture. After a teacher adjusted me in this posture and then asked if I felt it in my hips (I was dumbfounded and my eyes undoubtedly went cross-eyed as I furrowed my brow). Hips? What? Two classes later, bam.

Triangle- with all of the heavey breathing and internal nursery rhymes I sing to my body during this posture to stay in it, my hips are actually being stretched too. Is there no end to what this posture does to my sweaty body?

Gratitude

My instructor last night was there with me. He was there with every breath, grimace, and fidgety wipe of sweat. He even helped me forget about how small my shakti bra was. My bozongas were not in the way last night!

It was my first class with Dylan but it won't be my last. Yesterday was day 3 in a row for me. I went in with screaming hamstrings and the plan to just show up and get through class. During Ardha Chandrasana I was disabused of my plan.

Dylan learned my name. He used it throughout class.
Class was small and he learned everyones name.

As I bent forward during the first Pada-Hastasana my legs shaking instructor crouched down 5 feet from me, "lock your knees Kirsten you are so close, lock your knees, lock your knees." I was ALMOST there.

I started to come out of Standing Bow early but nope,"Kirsten your so close just a little longer."
My back leg kicked back up and I finished strong.

Deep (somewhat quiet) heaving breaths through my nose after first set of Trikosana, "Kirsten! you are holding your breath, this is not underwater yoga."

Laying flat on my back during the first set of standing leg head to knee, "What's wrong in the front row, do you need a hug?"
I received a sweaty half hug and then dragged my ass up and did second set.

During Savasana, instructor came up to me and leaned over me and said, "What time is it!?". I was dumbfounded.. What!? Maybe 8:45?? I thought to myself exhausted and confused.. then someone yelled, "Its Camel time." I laughed quietly with a shit eating grin. There was no way I was missing Camel and certainly no way I was leaving the room as he grabbed me some fresh water.

After class, a tear came as I thanked him for noticing me. For pushing me farther than I thought I could go. For helping me forget about 'thinking about how far I could go." What a unique teacher he is. How refreshing.

No posture is ever perfect. I try so hard to have correct form. I let go a little bit last night and went so much farther.

We Bikram Yogies dig within to find the courage to stay in the room. Dylan really helped me find it last night.

After a rough day, and my Ego post below, my faith in humanity is restored.

**Photo taken Vancouver Earthdance 2010, I am in there somewhere!

Holding Back

Today I was DONE by Trikanasana (Triangle Pose). Every time I take this one teacher's class, I either sit for half of the postures or leave the room. Please understand that I am not complaining here. I am just simply challenged. I have been kicked in the a**!

Sometimes the challenge is not giving it your all - but rather holding back.

Take Tuladandasana (Balancing Stick Pose) as an example. The challenging part of that posture for me, is pulling my leg down so that it is parallel to the ground. I must pay extra attention and look at my inner mirror to make sure that it is not shooting up to the sky like a missile ready for take-off. I rotate my hip down and tighten every muscle I have. This posture is one of my favorites. I am confident that it will take me to a good place.

Finding proper alignment and holding back in order to give more is where it counts for me during Tuladandasana.

Holding back is something the universe must really want me to learn lately. It is therapeutic and necessary to share thoughts and efforts with others... but consider me 'guilty as charged' for letting my thoughts and efforts override the needs of others . I will be more conscious of not allowing my words and actions to run away.

With this being said, that does not mean that I will shrink away. We have all heard Nelson Mandela's words about WHO we deserve to be. I think that it cannot be said enough, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us... There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do." Namaste.

Back on the wagon

My last two classes are proof that I am back on the wagon. The Bikram wagon! With all other sports, even when I get tired of doing them... ie running I can still run as far as the day before even if my heart isn't in it. With Bikram yoga when, when one thing is off, my entire class can so easily go awry. Putting the past week in perspective- it doesn't seem like a big deal that I had a couple of off classes. So what if I lost my drive to go. But at that time, it felt like all hope was lost. I was off the wagon, never to recover. The end of the world.

Victoria taught my first class back in December. She also taught my class today. She went easy on us and let quite a bit of fresh air in. I was in the hot corner of the room so I didn't reap all the benefits of that cool rush. The first back bend of class during Ardha Chandrasana was magnificent! I definitely can't always go that far back.. especially in the morning. But today and last class too- both at 8PM, I could see my reflection in the glass window behind me. I feel my strong back opening up as how I used my arms to guide my body back and down. My arms are the compass in that asana. They are really driving me forward.. well back... but forward. I am more excited and less fearful.

My expression of Dandayamana-Janushirasana is still not that deep. My goal each time is to simply hold the asana with leg suspended but bent for the first 60 seconds. I try to kick at least 1X during the second set. Sure this is working for me, but I don't see much progress here.

I felt strong and confident during Trikonasana. With my strong class and extra fresh air I was really able to reach for the ceiling, open my chest, and push my hip down. I didn't cheat today!

I did not have that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach during Ustrasana. Instead I pushed my hips forward, made my chest big and proud like a lioness, and sang to the mountains! Well.. not really because it was still hot in there- don't get me wrong.


I have two concerns. Firstly, I am finding that my legs and harms go numb more easily while I am sleeping and while I am sitting at a desk. This is disconcerting and for some reason I link it to my yoga practice. Secondly- I repeatedly have to suppress the urge to pee during class. I make sure to go right before but for some reason the urge gets magnified. Maybe too much info.. maybe some has the same problems?

**The photograph is of me (left) and my friend Karolyn (right). She is the one who introduced my to Bikram Hatha Yoga.

I am a cheater!

I caught on quite fast to ways of cheating during Trikonasana (Triangle Pose). First there is always a way to put weight on your hands/fingers without the instructor catching on. I used to take advantage of my double jointed strong fingers by doing this. I have gained strength and stamina and no longer cheat here.

My favorite way to cheat is in the set up of the posture. The instructors say but don't always enforce that the set up in this posture is as important as the posture itself.. and they make you hold the set up part of it for sooo long. My set up is never a reflection of my full expression of the posture and so I wait as long as possible via fidgeting or playing with the position of my feet before I bend my font knee to go down.

I don't feel bad about cheating.. but it is time to come clean! At this point, my goal each class is to hold the posture for the full prescribed 30 to 60 seconds 2X each side. So I suppose when I am ready and don't feel like I am going to pass out midway through the pose- THEN I will work more on my set up.

We are told to move nothing but the arms when transitioning into Trikonasana from the set up. Once in the pose, I move my hips by pushing them farther down, my front stretched leg by turning the hip to the appropriate angle, and my torso goes down not quite strong enough yet to form a second triangle between my arm, chest, and leg.

So yes, I cheat. And it hurts so good.

Here is a video on how to properly setup and practice Trikonasana.

Paradise Circus

Back on the bike and riding to yoga this morning for the 10AM class, excitement and curiosity filled my chest. Excitement for my first class in over a week and getting back on track. Curiosity at how my body would feel. Yoga makes it easy to be curious.

First pose, first day back, Pranayama - my elbows together in front of my chest, the deepest breath I have had in a while. My body willing and ready to practice- unadulterated joy filled me. There I said it 'undulterated joy'- I have always wanted to say it and mean it- no strings attached- joy and health filled me. I smiled all all the way through the first breathing series- probably looking a little cookey?

Joy and smiles- feeling my body and not just going through the motions. It wasn't long that this lasted. During Trikonasana (Triangle pose)that I was having trouble catching my breath. This pose is one of the heights of hard work in the Bikram series. You have built up to this pose only to realize you need to give more than you thought you had or were planning on. You use your muscles, lungs, chest, will power, balance, and determination to make it better each time. The more often I practice, the more my strength helps here- you do not have to be flexible to try this pose.

My heart in my chest beating so fast I could hear the thumps. I was scared. I continued onto Tuladandasana (Balancing Stick Pose) which really gets your cardiovascular system working in overdrive (don't forget to balance while your panting). Nauseous, sweating, dizzy. I made my self get up for tree, I needed the confidence this pose inspires. It helps me to bring my thoughts back to my own eyes. Pavanamuktasana (Wind Removing pose) and my hips joints were stiff and pinched in a way that reflected how I have been neglecting my body for the past couple of days. Abusing it and taking it for granted in so many ways. Killing brain cells and living to be less. Nauseous, someone left the room.

How could I leave the room- Roxy will yell at me.. What are you doing!? Sit back down! It's better if you stay. I got up and left. She let me. I sat out a couple minutes. Let the cold fresh water from my water bottle fill me. How was I going to go back into that room. What would she say? Perfect in my imperfection and perfect in my body perfectly where I am supposed to be. I finished class. It wasn't as hot when I went back in.

I assumed the relief that I would feel when I left the yoga room would be heavenly and all that is good- instead it was just air. Yes the cold water was needed but the air wasn't any better outside than it was inside. I finished my class. I still feel like a wet noodle a couple of hours later. I will go tomorrow. I will not have a beer tonight. I will sleep earlier tonight. I will have a healthy dinner. I will practice tomorrow.

I was talking to a guy today outside the yoga room- he was probably in his mid-late 60s. Just like my mom and dad. It is all about attitude. It is all about staying on top of your shit. It is not about getting old. It is about staying active and not having expectations.

I am happy to get back to going forward.