Empty

I failed. Simply, I failed. School doesn't come easy for me and concentrating is usually an impossible task. My mind moves forward and nothing can catch it. Studying for me is 3 parts me not understanding why my brain won't work and 1 part learning actual material. I think being in the hot room I accept that and accept who i am in every moment all 4 parts. I leave the hot room and wait for my final grade to post in my final class and it is not what I need to get my Bachelors degree after 10 years.

This means I would have to take another class. It isn't just about the studying or the money or the time spend away from work. It is about sitting there day after day and wondering why I don't work like others and why I am so stupid. Of course I don't really think I am stupid but when you are sitting alone at the computer teaching yourself college level material for days on end with no job except to make the grade and then you don't, it feels like hell.