A Hip Overhaul

My 30 day challenge is in its final stretch. I have made some new friends at the studio which has an awesome community but my practice isn't really much different than when I started the challenge. I guess it IS more consistent but sometimes I expect miracles. My breath is becoming ever more important class by class but my flexibility is in the pits. And OH MY HIPS. Good God how they scream at me during Standing Separate Leg Stretching, Tauladasana (standing on right leg), Final Spinal, and also during Separate Leg Stretching. The right hip, right hamstring, right lower back, even my right butt cheek, feel like a squeaky metal car in need of oil. Visualize: squeaky butt cheek.......That is a lot of postures and a lot of body parts that need oil. I need an overhaul. PIMP MY RIDE!

On the plus side, I have submitted my scholarship application to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training for this April session. Today the road there seems so long and so hard. I'll keep on movin'.

Naked

Yogaddiction. It's a real thing. I can talk about it for hours and I want to talk about it for hours. As I am making my commitment to teacher training I find myself giddy. I am excited about all that I can be in this role. A teacher told me that I have a big heart for this yoga and that is a fact. I believe in it so wholeheartedly. I believe in the yoga and all of the life that comes with it.

Today in class I broke a sweat and I broke a tear. My suffering is often in overcoming the way my body is put together. The right side is wonky and after two serious days of snowboarding, my muscles have responded by terrorizing my practice. My right leg in a crazy permacramp means that I am not a happy yogi right now. I try to remind myself to be kind as in my last post and sometimes I succeed but sometimes there is just so much frustration. There is also uncertainty in how hard to push.

We are at day 20 in the challenge now. Class is not always such a struggle, it has become part of my routine even though my time in the hot room is anything but. Today my studio, Bikram Sea to Sky, which opened last summer and is now sponsoring me to go to teacher training held a photo shoot to capture the 26 Asanas and 2 breathing exercises that compose Bikram's Beginner Yoga. I am so proud and excited to be a part of it all.


"Happiness
More or less
It's just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh, my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
Watch my fever growing
I know just where I am" - The Verve

Mittle

I am two weeks into my 30 day challenge and officially done with my South Beach Phase 1 detox. The intense cravings that I was having for carbs and greasy foods are gone thanks to both the yoga and the detox. My practice is strong but after a double yesterday I am pooped! Bikram Teacher Training in April is a possibility for me but two classes a day five days a week is HUGE! Right now I am coming to terms with that commitment as well as time apart from my family. Family is just a phone call away but two classes a day will not be. Two classes a day are right in your face. It will be a challenge and I am trying to focus on exactly WHY I want to be a teacher. Defining that is a struggle because it keeps changing.

I want to share this yoga and I believe that after years of gymnastics training, sports, and injuries I have an eye for what the human body is capable of. I want to go and at this time while taking part in the 30 day challenge, I am coming to terms with the reality of what being a Bikram Teacher will mean for me.

I am getting to the point in my practice and with my fitness that I am hyperaware of where my body starts and stops. When I press my forehead to my knee and grip my foot, my muscles are strong. There is less resistance in class to push a little bit further and the encouragement from my instructors is so awesome. Standing Head to knee is coming along. I am kicking out but not tripping out on it like before.

I love being in the hot room with other 30 day challengers. The energy is awesome and I love seeing that we really are all in this together.

Empty

I failed. Simply, I failed. School doesn't come easy for me and concentrating is usually an impossible task. My mind moves forward and nothing can catch it. Studying for me is 3 parts me not understanding why my brain won't work and 1 part learning actual material. I think being in the hot room I accept that and accept who i am in every moment all 4 parts. I leave the hot room and wait for my final grade to post in my final class and it is not what I need to get my Bachelors degree after 10 years.

This means I would have to take another class. It isn't just about the studying or the money or the time spend away from work. It is about sitting there day after day and wondering why I don't work like others and why I am so stupid. Of course I don't really think I am stupid but when you are sitting alone at the computer teaching yourself college level material for days on end with no job except to make the grade and then you don't, it feels like hell.

Cookie Monster

Check off Day 6 of my 30 day Bikram challenge and day 6 of my 14 day South Beach Detox.

I want a cookie so bad.

I am getting more than enough calories of good whole vegetables, salmon (which I have re-introduced to my vegetarian diet), cheese, legumes, seeds, and nuts. But for two weeks, I can't have any BAD carbs. This means no wine, no vodka shots, no homebrew that stares at me from the back of the fridge. This also means no bread, potatoes, carrots, or anything that causes a spike in blood sugar levels. I also cannot have fruit for two weeks (no sucrose, fructose...). The purpose of this detox is to break me of my cravings for unhealthy foods and quick carbs. After the holidays with all of the stiff eggnogs, Christmas cookies, and parties it was time to get clean.

I am supplementing my hydration with remineralization drops for my water. This ensures that even though I am drinking tons of water, I am also getting the proper minerals because an imbalance of electrolytes can cause a wide range of problems none of which are good.

My practice is good. It hasn't seen any significant advances in the physical realm only the non-physical mind. I am much more calm, collected, and clear at all hours of the day. My neck seems to be getting better slowly so I am still taking it easy in rabbit at my RMT's behest. It is easier for me to do this challenge by not thinking about it in the 30 day scheme of things. I'm taking each day at a time but I want a freaking cookie.

Day 3: Compassion

Yesterday I was so exhausted that I couldn't make it to the hill to go snowboarding after my morning class. My body felt fantastic though, there is nothing else on earth that enables me to feel like I do after a Bikram Yoga class. Today I got some mountain time in the AM and took a later class. After snowboarding, my legs always feel stronger in class even as random bruises from boots and bumps start to surface.

I am dealing with a stiff neck. That is not a good way to start a challenge, because if I remember correctly.. it only get's harder before it doesn't get harder (not going to say it gets easier). To deal, I am not turning my head in right Triangle, Final Spinal, and today I sat out Rabbit.. and I love Rabbit. Lately I have been able to feel my vertebrate separating in that posture and it fells amazing. Teach gave me some great advice to really let it all go in Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose, letting my spine hang down, gravity pulling it towards the floor. We are supposed to do this in every class, but today I let my focus center there. While doing this, I almost forgot about my screaming hamstrings.. almost.

Yesterday, my teach was very hands on. Finding a Bikram Yoga teacher who is confident enough to make corrections AND has eyes in the back of their head is a rarity and a gift. He makes it possible to be in every.single.moment. of class. With my neck and back muscles clenched from my stiff neck, by the end of Half Moon, I was out of breath. I was, as my teacher put it, suffering. Staring down at the floor with my chest heaving, I did not panic. I stood on my mat, in my space, and reminded myself not to judge the fact that it was so early in class and already I was loosing steam. I would trust myself to catch my breath and I would trust myself to join back in when I was ready. Teach noticed and said, "Kirsten, you are suffering. That is alright but look in the mirror and witness yourself suffering." What a beautiful and honest joy to for my teacher to see me in that moment and to be there to lean on.

More Trust & Less Judgement

*Photography by Lisa Marie Johnson

New Yoga clothes are purchased including my first pair of Shakti shorts and a killer soft top from Onzie. Onzie runs small for sure. I am normally a medium but I am bust, bust, busting out of that top size medium/large.. but it still looks good at a fine price. My hubby has the mens shorts and they seem to fit him normally- a Small/Medium for a size 32 waist. Also, the materials were different depending on print, not that there is anything wrong with that... just saying.

My 30 day challenge starts Monday along with a self imposed detox. I am too honest with myself to do a juice cleanse at this point of the journey, I am so not there yet and would go postal if I tried so I will eat on the South Beach Diet Phase 1 for two weeks. I am vegetarian so I will sub meat with legumes.

Its not like this challenge is about finding a new me. Its not about a revolution in my life or this huge step to a better life. I simply want to do it. It is going to be hard, yeah.. I am not looking forward to those days when I just doooon't want to to because my big girl pants don't fit right... so my philosophy is to go early in the day and get it done!

We wrote intentions on our 30 day challenge calenders at my yoga studio, my intention for this 30 day challenge is as follows: To trust myself more and judge myself less.

I love you

I have completed 18 Bikram classes in 20 days. If I am to successfully complete my 30 day challenge of 30 classes in 30 days, I must keep going everyday with two days of doubles by February 11. I don't see giving up now, that really isn't in the cards.. I am just carefully planning my 'double days.' Fear is building.

Another breakthrough! I don't consistently move forward in postures, I leap forward.. then nothing for weeks. This is of course is looking at purely my physical body in expression of the asana. It is the mind body connection that suddenly clicks and that song by CeCe Peniston sticks in my head... 'finally it has happened to me, right in front of my face,...'but it isn't about a man, it is about yoga.

The posture I am referring to here is Stretching pose. It has taken my 20+ years to get here. Even in gymnastics, 30+ hours of it a week growing up, I could NOT open into this one stretch. It is like my body just wasn't built that way. Never frustrated by it, I just simply took it with a grain of salt because we can't have it all, right?

But I get it now! I get where my body is supposed to go and it is on the road, my body is found on the map, I see my destination! Finally!

My fiancee actually inspired me to try a new approach to the posture. I laughed during class when I looked over and saw him with knees bent, butt out, back strait as a broomstick. He looked immensely constipated!
BUT I realized what he was doing. I actually don't really know how to describe it, except it looks like the LEAST flexible but MOST anatomically correct expression of the posture.

After I tried the hot room constipation technique (in addition to going everyday for 17 days), everything fell into place. I tried the right way.

Too Much

I quit. It is too much. My body needs to heal before I can strengthen it any furthur.
I thought I could go and just do minimal effort and hold back being uber careful.
Now is not the time to challenge myself with 30 days in a row.
Now IS the time to make sure I don't injure myself farther than I already have.
My mind and my body are on the same page here.

My heart is in the right place but I can't help but be disappointed. I am not disappointed in myself, I am upset that I made a public declaration to finish something and didn't.

It is a personal journey but the 30 day challenge was my way of reaching out.

No fear, there are many 30 and 60 day challenges in my future.

Hopefully I can go to a class next week to lift my spirits and enjoy that healing heat.

Long distance love

I am unsure of my new body.

I am unsure of asanas that I should sit out, find a happy median with, or go into deeply.

I suppose you could say that right now, me and the 26 asanas of my dear Bikram, have a long distance relationship. It's cool.. we are just getting our footing after deciding to give each other some space. It was a mutual decision. But now things are awkward and the pain is still fresh. We are both positive about our future together, but neither of us are quite sure what is in store.

If negativity breeds negativity then my negetivities are humping like bunnies

I am pooped.

Again I sat out many postures. I held back and had energy to spare by the end of class- which was cool because I 'saw' a little progress in Janushirasana with Paschimotthanasana (Head to Knee Pose). That came out of left field because I HATE that one. My body does NOT like to bend forward in that way.

Stomach Savasana (Dead body pose) was divine. I let my body sink into the floor for the full spine strengthening series (all about the healing today). The heat felt so peaceful and healthy. I just lay their and let my sore spine soak it up.

Dandayamana-Bibhaktapada-Janushirasana (Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose ) was amazing. With all of my reserved strength, I was able to really dig deep in that one.

In the hot room your mind is bad neighborhood to be in

You women- Alive in the fire, Catherine, and Ellelove really carried me through class. You were my angels today and I got nothin' but love for you! Your positivity elevated me to say, YES I am going today even though the soreness spread as the day wore on. You have been here before and I am not alone.

It felt amazing to move and stretch my sore back. I was a little discouraged at how foreign my body felt especially in triangle.

I did sit out about half of the class, but that doesn't mean I didn't sweat!

Even during Camel- I only put my hands on my hips and looked back, NO backward bending whatsoever but I could feel different muscles working.

Strange class.

Another 'adjustment' (puke meh blah) tomorrow AND another Yoga class.

To whoever it was that said taking care of our bodies is hard work. They were SO right.

P.S. The thick headband wearing girls were back in class. I bet it gets sweaty under there! Geeew.

Setback

I had my first. ever. chiropractic appointment this morning. I am very happy I went but not very happy with the diagnosis.

Those sit-ups I avoid every class because my back feels funny, the really loose feeling in my middle spine after a class, the muscle weakness and subsequent pulls I have after class in the same area... drum roll- NO YOGA FOR about 3 WEEKS. My disc is ready to slip among other less immediate but treatable problems.

Yup that is what Mr. Chiropractor said. I FREAKED and drove directly to my yoga studio where I talked with one of my favorite instructors.. whose name is also Kirsten (but pronounced differently). I just committed to a 30 day challenge- it is POSTED on my blog as a testament to my my commitment and it is even on my facebook!!

How can I back out now. Whose advice do I take? Do I listen to the the doc who says NO back bending whatsoever. I say.. if I can't push myself in this 30 day challenge then what is the point! What is the rush right?

Wise Kirsten the instructor says, that even if I just come 30 days in a row and sit in the room I am still getting the benefit.

SO I decided that maybe my thirty day challenge is going to be about challenging myself in a different way. Maybe it will be a challenge in holding back. I will go tonight, I will do minimum movement and hold back listening to my body and just being in the room.

What a drag.

Foul

Wise words from my ballzy instructor upon seeing a student with TWO bottles of gatorade in the hot room, "What is that? G what? G2? That probably isn't good for you. If something is florescent you probably shouldn't be putting it into your body."

I love her. Good class. 28 days and 28 classes to go. Yay?

I have an appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow.. so hopefully it won't adversely affect my practice. I am hoping it will supplement. I think I will tell him just that!

P.S. I stood in the front. Voluntarily. Next to my man.

My first 30 day challenge

Lots of news.

First, class was so crowded last night and really humid. That isn't the news. THREE people wore hats. Two ladies who seem to know each-other and sported knitted bands about 5-6 inches thick. Another seemingly unrelated woman wore a full on black fleece beanie. I have been practicing for almost a year and have never seen this.. is it a new trend? Why three people in one class? Was I so hot that I was hallucinating?

The thought has crossed my mind that perhaps the black fleece beauty is struggling with some type of alopecia (hair loss). If so, more power to her in coming to Bikram class and sorting it out! But for the other two ladies... I don't get it. AND they both left early. My ballsy instructor shouted, 'Where are you going, sit down, that is not cool."

My studio does not push the whole 30 or 60 day challenge regime that Bikram encourages. That means no calendar with special star stickers for days you go. I was surprised to learn that the reason for this is that they actually lost students who felt daunted by the expectations. Understandable.

However, I would like to camaraderie and support that comes from the community while doing a challenge. So I spoke with my favorite receptionist and Hatha yoga extraordinaire who said that I should definitely do it and that she would be my cheerleader. Word spread. I made it into the locker room where one of the teachers had overheard my conversation. She too said I should.

Yesterday was October 25 and day 1. One month, 30 days will be my birthday exactly. Kismet?

Did I just commit to a 30 day challenge? Aren't I supposed to mentally prepare for this type of thing? How can I just dive in?

I am. What a better time than now?

Come December, snowboarding season will be upon me and I will be shredding the gnar gnar with less time for sweat sweat.

For those of you who stumble on my blog and need a little background.. and for my family that doesn't practice yoga, a 30 day challenge is:
-30 days in a row of Bikram yoga
-You MAY skip only two days out of the 30, but must make up for those to days by going twice in one day (yikes).
-Bikram recommends 60 days in a row of yoga to start out with then reducing your practice to 3 days a week to maintain what you build.

By publishing this post... the challenge becomes real to me. I am terrified.