It's only Yoga

Ouf. Ouch. Grrrr. Ugh. I have lost the joy of Bikram Yoga lately. It is like pulling teeth to make myself go, stay in the room, and give an honest effort. What in the world do I have to do to get excited again?

Today I kept running out of breath and honestly wanted to vomit all over my towel. After class I found out that the girl in black in the front row was- as recently as this weekend- literally hit by a motorcycle while on her rollerblades and having back spasms during class AND can't breath properly OR lay down correctly. Her X-rays are tomorrow and she could have a freaking fractured vertebrate yet she doesn't seem to find it difficult to come to class. What does it take? Harsh!

30% off Yoga wear is sort of an incentive... but I can't afford to bribe myself right now.

I am overwhelmed by school. I am bummed about my stupid arthritic left knee that makes me feel like an old women with its temperamental aches and pains in the middle of the night or whenever it feels it is necessary to give me shooting and or sometimes throbbing pains. I keep emotional eating and just don't care. What is going on?

I want my Bikram Practice back and I want it back now. I will go tomorrow.


belovely said...

Isn't it crazy when the yoga truck comes out of left field and smacks you down right in the middle of the street?! Man, I feel ya. Yesterday in class I laid there in savasana for most of the floor series, wondering what was going on. Looking at the yogis around me and feeling jealous ha. Then I realized: "If you let someone else steal your peace, you lose!" Bikram's right about that one :) Anyway, I'll be thinking of you and hoping that your knee feels better and that you can push through it all. Just one more breath, one more posture, right? :) Hang in there girly!

aHappyYogi said...

When you have reached the bottom, there is only one way to go, up!

Hang in there, and you will come out on the other side, with a lot of more knowledge about yourself. It is one day at a time. We all have those periods in our practice.

Gambatte Kudosai!

Catherine said...

So did you go today, yet? I'm going tonight, and I'll think of you. Hang in there with the knee and with the eating. Life can be tough. Slap it in the face! :)

Anonymous said...

The owner of our studio sometimes says that practicing is sometimes like a bitter pill. So, when I'm going through a spell like you're having, I find the will to keep going because I know it's so good for me and I get so many benefits from it for the other 22.5 hours of each day. Suffering for 90 minutes each day is worth the benefits of 90 years of feeling good. And, so, you just keep going. As one of my teachers always says, they're not selling ice cream and flowers...it's a torture chamber (as Bikram says) (although, as you know, it doesn't always feel that way). But, once you accept that, and you don't have expectations about what it should be, you keep going and, at the very least, enjoy all the benefits that it brings outside of class. For me, that's really where I find the joy of Bikram yoga...in my life outside of class and how it has saved that life!

Kirsten Flower Petal Blooming said...

Thank you for the positive sentiment. I did get my Bikram groove back! I think that my expectation to go as often is possible was too broad and too much. I have lessened my expectations of my self.. (yes I still have some :) to go Three times a week minimum- so far so good with less stress.

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